NOTE: The May blog posts will not be updated this month, but check back soon for new updates.
- Are You in the Anger Zone?
It’s not uncommon to hear or read of workplace instances where talented employees “lose it!” Workplace anger has been on the rise recently with variances of behavior from throwing the copier out the 5th story window to yelling at the security guard when the office key card does not work. When anger turns violent, you may find yourself with legal action and/or complete employment termination. At a minimum, anger can injure the feelings of colleagues, even permanently damage long-term relationships. Uncontrolled anger can also make employees less productive by causing stress leading to illness and retreated absenteeism. In a Harvard study, both genders that invested a good deal of time in the anger state, resulted in six times more heart attacks annually.
What’s the difference between anger and resentment? Resentment is very close to anger except that anger is publicly demonstrated. Resentment is hidden, maintained as a private conversation internally by an individual or an entire functional group. Resentment grows silently, developing a culture all its own, because the involved groups can be in an unequal power position. Resentment often grows under conditions of the uneven distribution of power, the micro-managing director or VP. If the groups were to complain, they would essentially “pay the consequences.”
Anger is a reactive emotion; and, is the psychophysiological response to distress, a perceived threat, acts of hostility, injustice, or verbal abuse. According to anger studies from 1991, corporate executives often used anger as an effective manipulation strategy to change employee attitudes; and, reach specific company goals.After coming through a year of COVID, many are experiencing anger. There are many strategies for dealing with anger to restructure how you respond to difficult situations, especially in the work environment. Remember that getting angry is not going to fix anything; and, it can actually make you feel worse over the resulting consequences. Try some of these strategies:
• Logic defeats anger. Anger, even when it’s justified, can quickly become irrational. Try replacing these thoughts with more rational ones. Instead of telling yourself, “oh, it’s awful, it’s terrible, everything’s ruined,” tell yourself, “it’s frustrating, and it’s understandable that I’m upset about it, but it’s not the end of the world.”
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• Examine your options over the rough spots. Often we have a finite worldview and do not look at alternatives for short & long-term resolution. Remind yourself that the world is “not out to get you.”
• Avoid ‘demanding’ anything, fairness, appreciation, or instant agreement from others. Use requests or state desires to attain collaboration & the willingness of others to cooperate with you. - The Cost of Belonging
Isn’t it a good feeling to be associated as a member of highly visible industries, neighborhood interest groups, sports teams, and even spiritual communities? From our participation in these groups, we practice authenticity, conquer issues & concerns, construct the future, and renew the loving bonds of family & friends. In essence, we belong to something wonderful and bigger than ourselves. When does belonging cost you a significant portion of your own identity? When does belonging begin feeling like sacrifice?
We may all be veterans of the Fast Track career syndrome, high performance athlete teams, or specific cultural societies. As many of these professional organizations and communities carry a high status in the public today, they may not allow for the freedom of demonstrating any differences or your own personal values. Consequently, belonging to a given group can also limit the personal freedoms of vacations, time off, and time for self. You will notice in today’s media that it is not good enough to take a vacation, you have to pursue something extreme such as, ice climbing in foreign countries, camping in the Amazon, or a canoe trip in the Colorado rapids for a week! Many today are accepting vacation invitations not of their true personal desire but to continue their belonging in a given group. So, these same individuals return from vacation as exhausted as when they were first embarked on the journey.
Some today are feeling this emotion over the virus and last year’s troubles. They are feeling the weight of belonging rather than joy. If this is you, ask yourself:
What permission do you need to give yourself so you can have the freedom to let your gifts out in this group? What emotion accompanies this permission, relief, joy, resentment?
Are you measuring yourself by standards in today’s society or peer pressure that really do not serve you?
Prior to joining this group, what activities have I sacrificed that I really thought were fulfilling for me? Do I need to renew those activities?
If not, can you pay the cost of continuing to participate in this group?“What lies behind us and what lies ahead of us are tiny matters compared to what lies within us.” Oliver Wendell Holmes
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In a recent retreat with an Air Force Officers Spouses organization, we heard the usual corresponding issues over spouse deployment with separation anxiety, concern for their personal safety, as well as their pride in the call to duty. One of the unexpected issues we heard from this group was the loss of identity. Regardless of gender, they revealed that many of the spouses felt that they were known only as one identity, ‘an officer’s spouse’, or ‘a military couple’. We found this very interesting in that many of these married people were highly degreed, employed elsewhere off the military base. Some were heads of national humanities chapters such as AARP, the United Way, and the National Osteoporosis Foundation; and, many were parents. How is it that this assessment of one identity prevailed when it was evident that each of these people were very successful and known by many identities?
What is the belief commonly accepted as self-identity? According to Professor Rick Hoyle of the University of Kentucky, “The human self is a self-organizing, interactive system of thoughts, feelings, and motives that characterizes an individual. It gives rise to an enduring experience of physical and psychological existence—a phenomenological sense of constancy and predictability. The self is reflexive and dynamic in nature: responsive yet stable.”
The self can have several identities, both public and private. Identity is not just what you know, but how you came to know it. Identities are realized over time. Think back to when you were a child seeing things in a very trouble-free, non-demanding manner. As you grow older and become shrewder, you identify yourself with very personal experiences, various people’s influences, associate different places and things in additional refined ways.If you think you need to strengthen or enhance your family of identities, ask yourself:
• Are you aware of your core values and how can they can help you demonstrate your uniqueness of self in the community, the world?
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• What do you think your identify is among your peers, your neighborhood, your professional life, your marriage life, motivating, stable, ungrounded without support or assumed to be no-one without a partner? - Walks Beside Coaching & Consulting Announces Coaching Services Move
We Provide Both Established Companies & Military Personnel Tools for Workforce Engagement!
Sioux Falls, South Dakota – – – February 5, 2021 – Walks Beside Coaching & Consulting (WBCC), an outstanding coaching company now with an office in Sioux Falls, South Dakota, announced their move to the business corridor off highway 29. WBCC constructs business solutions around achievement of business goals, visible management accountability, increased employee morale, and the integration of a diverse cultural workforce. These programs eliminate fuzzy organizational thinking to align initiatives to become the catalyst for large-scale systems change, both locally and nationally.
The move to the Sioux Falls allows WBCC to expand into:
- The talented labor force and higher education and workforce training partners
- An excellent environment for data integrity of large healthcare organizations
- Emerging healthcare communities attractive to Millennial workforce
WBCC constructs business solutions around the achievement of business goals, the integration of a multi-generational workforce, and the integration of a diverse cultural labor force. These programs eliminate imprecise administrative thinking to synchronize ideas and goals for large-scale systems change, both locally and nationally. They bring their business knowledge to the great state of South Dakota to serve businesses in their efforts to be provide excellent environments for the collaboration of the multi-cultural and multi-generational workforce.
About Walks Beside Coaching & Consulting:
WBCC has a seasoned team shaping the renewal and resilience of daily life, increasing self-identity, and assisting in the transitional life chapters of all workforces. A unique service of our company is ontological coaching, instead of just performance coaching. Ontological coaching is a structured yet personalized process of guidance using all the elements of language skills, body disposition and the impact of emotion on decision-making.
Bradley Ann Morgan and Stephan Marais are certified professional coaches through the Professional Coaching Certification (PCC) programs of Newfield Network. They are members of the International Coaching Federation (ICF), the International Longevity Center (ILC); and are the former editors of the Web page for “Transforming Aging, Elder Care & Security” in the state of California, founded by Senator John Vasconcellos.
Press Contact:
Stephan Marais, MBA, PCC
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Company Name: Walks Beside Coaching & Consulting
Email: sfm@walksbesidecoaching.com
Phone: 605-799-7832
Website: www.walksbesidecoaching.com - Living with the Angst During these Difficult Times
Here we are again in another New Year. You may be excited about advancing career opportunities, or anxious over pending work schedules, or possibly, even feeling the effects of the virus scare.
New Year’s resolutions are made without enough realistic thinking. Any promise or commitment to yourself is not only how you achieve success; but, how you coordinate actions with others. There are components of commitments that make them feasible such as, the following:• Having a clear vision of the final outcome you desire; and, the expected steps for achievement. Write your vision on poster board or in a simple Word document so that you see it daily as a reminder, boosting your resolve.
• Define a specified period for fulfillment; plus, any other sacrifices you may have to make along the way such as, reserving a night for homework from a night college course.
• Enlist competent individuals for assistance whether it’s in financial planning or a career makeover. Don’t be afraid to have sincere conversations with all involved, setting clear standards of expected deliverables and when they are due.
• When you have smaller goals to achieve the outcome, give each a distinct priority. This will assist you in avoiding overwhelmedness in looking at too many goals. And, you will feel more successful with small achievements along the way.
• Design in some flexibility along the journey to success; and, don’t expect perfection. Placing pressure on yourself to produce something stupendous can make it harder to generate anything at all. “A lot of people sort of secretly feel, ‘I’m not creative,’ but everyone is creative to a certain degree. Just try your best and see what happens.” says Carrie Barron, a board-certified psychiatrist/psychoanalyst of the Columbia College of Physicians. Last in here, be willing to adjust your timeline in case of unexpected events that impact the final success.
• Discontinue using statements that base your happiness on things or events in the future such as, “When I get that next stereo, I’ll be happy”, or, “When I take that cruise to Greece, I’ll be happy.” Expressions like these negatively impact what you want to achieve by putting off future happiness on tangible objects or purchasable experiences.
• Use positive psychology and declarative language with yourself and others as you work toward the outcome. Be bold in declaring what you care about and nurture it. Passion is a prerequisite for producing meaningful results. During any tough times, it will be your passion and personal investment that carries you through to completion.
• When you encounter problems don’t magnify the new difficulties into something larger than it is. Magnification of problems has become a hallmark of TV shows and the news. Remember how much eggs were maligned in previous years? There are no trophies for excessive worry and angst. Identify the skills and strengths you bring to your problem solving, enlist other key people where needed. Then, spend your energies in thoughtful action.
• Practice ‘critical thinking’ about the challenges or risks that are ahead of you. Gather and assess pertinent information, test the information against relevant criteria and any new standards that may have come into place. And, be humble enough to listen carefully to the experts you have chosen to work with you on your ultimate success.
As you make plans for a realistic future, ask yourself:
• How can you allow for unexpected boldness to occur in your life? What would happen if you changed your self-talk to statements such as, “Wouldn’t it be interesting if”, or “How could I change my personal outlook if I took part in cleaning up the Chesapeake Bay or other local wetlands?
• How can you create a bit more time in your day to reflect on what’s right for your new future? Can you arise 20 minutes earlier in the day so that you can re-read your vision and goal schedule? Will this time allow you to keep your commitment to yourself about the future?
• What social affiliations or environmental organizations can you join so that your mood is revitalized to achieve your most wanted future?
• If news or world events are influencing your decisions to venture out on a new direction, can you watch this media when it’s only positive? What would happen if you decided to accept what you can’t change alone such as, domestic violence, the number of homeless in your city, or even, the number of pets dropped off at the animal shelter daily?
• What else could be in your life if you did something distinctively different such as, volunteer for child tutoring or welcome the troops home at your local airport? Could these activities change your world perspective on how any future could be different?
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