NOTE: The May blog posts will not be updated this month, but check back soon for new updates.
- Let’s Be Happy Now
This past January, we both attended a seminar on the components that contribute to happiness. As we listened to the participants’ voice their beliefs, one person said, “I thought I would be happy when I bought my first Mercedes. Then I thought I would be happy when I bought my ideal house. After that, I thought I would be happy when I took that glamorous Chief Editors job traveling the world in first class for the news desk. But after each one of these acquisitions, I was on to the next purchase or thing! I kept saying, I’ll be happy when….” Other attendees commented a similar reaction. Most stated that they thought happiness would occur and last when they received that new big screen TV, that next promotion, or that new office. The overall prominent remark was that none of these acquisitions or profile changes truly lasted in happiness for the individual.
Continue reading →
What does lead to lasting happiness? It can be vastly different for each of us. From a recent study by the assistant professor of psychology at San Francisco State University, Ryan Howell presented his results at the Society for Personality and Social Psychology’s annual meeting. The study had participants answer questions about a recent purchase, either material or experiential, that they had made in the last three months with the express intent of making themselves happy. While most were generally happy with the purchase, those who wrote about experiences tended to show higher fulfillment after the experience had passed. The experiences led to more happiness than did object purchases. Professor Howell said, “When people spend money on life experiences, whether they take someone with them or buy an extra ticket, most of our life experiences involve other individuals.” Consequently, he found that people were fulfilling their need for social bonding while living through those experiences. During the experience event, they developed a sense of relation to each other. Getting closer to friends and family may be the reason why experiences generate more lasting happiness. Folks can relive the memories of those experiences many times over, in any of chapter of their lives. Let’s be happy now.
What can you do to release yourself from the endless cycle of I’ll be happy when? Try some of these:
• Be mindful of the very moment you are in. Try putting down the Blackberry or pager. Release the future to the future, let history be in the past; and, deliberately focus on the present. Change your body posture when necessary so that your breathing can fill your lungs & physical being with a rush of awareness of what is being said, your physical surroundings, even the true appreciation of the loyal love of a pet. Poor breathing robs essential energy and negatively affects your mental alertness. Qigong & Riki exercises both utilize breathing techniques renewing your ‘bio-fields’ for a vital life force. - Going Forward Through a Crisis
Circumstances in our personal or professional life can change radically in a short term quarter, a single month, or even in one day. Normally, we can assess the situation and find an appropriate solution. However, events in our lives can be significantly serious enough to constitute a crisis. What is the definition of a crisis? A crisis is any event that is, or expected to lead to, an unstable and dangerous situation affecting an individual, community, industry, corporation, or a whole nation. Crisis incidents can include the diagnosis of a life threatening illness, surviving a natural disaster such as, Hurricane Katrina, handling a company’s product malfunction publicly, or managing a company’s dilemma that has occurred without warning; and, is beyond the organization’s control. Business leaders will tell you that they come up against roadblocks, but try to respond summarily and decisively under the pressure of uncommon conditions. What do you do when you find yourself in a crisis situation? Follow these guidelines to help you go forward through the immediacy of a company crisis:
Continue reading →
• Where you can, change your environment. It is not unusual at the scene of the crisis that there will be panic or anxiety; and often, a tremendous amount of noise. Putting some space between you and the site of the crisis will restore calm to your thinking practices.
• Collect real data to assess the damage to the company or possible harmful media coverage. As a leader, others will look to you to communicate real facts. Clarify what you do know and state what information is not yet known. Describe what the company will be doing to uncover the missing information. Use language that is direct; and, can be understood by all personnel. If the company has a public relations spokesperson, use that resource to address the news groups and deliver a consistent message at each briefing.
• Once relevant information is in hand, focus on the first actions. Assemble other company leaders into a ‘strike force’. Identify the tasks to be performed immediately, prioritize the remaining responsibilities, and delegate ownership of each task to the most competent individual. Also, determine a later check-in meeting to determine progress and further strategy plans.
• If there are personal injuries to any of the employees, ensure relatives or guardians are contacted prior to any public announcements. Subsequently, you can use any systems records, evaluation reports, or environmental findings to update all company branches, investors, trade unions, and the press.
• Demonstrate the company’s humanity where public harm is found or perceived. The company can provide aid in several ways such as, creating a help line with volunteer counselors, establishing a hardship fund for emergency expenses, or designating a facility for temporary housing and a haven for community safety.
• When necessary, use the advice of the company’s legal counselors. When the immediacy of the crisis is over, you can include their advice in future briefings.
• If the crisis was not a natural disaster, review the circumstances of how this crisis occurred. Are there industry trends, national legislation, faulty product designs, or global financial developments that had a direct cause to this crisis? Gather other leaders in the company and develop plans of how the business could emerge from this crisis even stronger than before. - Including the Art of Negotiations in Your Coaching
It is not uncommon for today’s leaders to find themselves coaching their staff negotiate project terms or even, other department heads. How are these leaders successful? They focus on finding common ground rather than areas of conflict between all parties. They decrease feelings of opposition by pointing out areas where everyone is already in agreement, achieving ultimate success for all.
Successful negotiations are seldom impulsive. Edwin Friedman, a current’ challenges’ thinker, states, “Leadership through differentiation is the capacity of a leader to remain connected to followers while being separate enough to make the tough decisions that must be made. It has to do with seeing things others don’t see, persevering when others resist your leadership, being comfortable alone and remaining calm while those around you are anxious”.
These same leaders practice a form of emotional regulation. Emotional regulation is the process of distinguishing, organizing, and resolving situations that allow your emotions to be a useful and productive element of individual reasoning abilities. To “regulate” an emotion does not mean you ignore it or intensify it. Many researchers define emotional regulation as the ability to augment or reduce emotions when necessary. Other researchers use a broader definition of emotional regulation. These researchers see emotion regulation as an expansive set of skills and capacities that help keep the emotional system from being overwhelmed and healthy. It’s also in use with first responders in crisis and disaster aid. They are given training in emotional regulation so they can be calmly operational as the emergency personnel for assistance along with their respective defined responsibilities.Use any of these techniques when you need to assist negotiations for a successful outcome:
Continue reading →
• These leaders discuss the key issues in order of priority. They have a clear idea of what the top two or three key issues are. Start with the most important issues and proceed to those that matter less. If you can reach agreement on the most important things, the lesser issues will most be easier to resolve.
• They know to verify evidence for ideas or specific information regarding the desired outcomes. When verifying information, it is important to state what authorities or experts state is true, and to use a principle or facts to support the information.
• They accept the conditions of the situation all parties are in now. Valuable energy will be lost for effective action if you, or others, let the situation dissolve into uncontrollable angry outbursts or outraged finger pointing. We are making a distinct difference here of removing yourself or others from immediate harm such as, escaping burning buildings or eminent drowning. Rapid actions here could save lives.
• They practice mindfulness. They are acutely aware of the present moment and who else may be with them at that time, inducing a calmness for fair treatment of all. Often, attachment to past events and worry over the future removes us from the present moment, enough that you begin to feel disconnected from life. Remember that emotional experiences are transitory. Help others step back from the circumstances for a few moments becoming an inquisitive observer of the present incident. Many who have survived terrible car accidents report that they rose above all the Para-medic activity and loud noise to achieve a state of quietness. In many cases, this state allowed their blood pressure to stabilize, preserving their life.
• They know where the ‘trigger points’ are. These are the areas where core values can be assaulted, either by action to your person or offensive language directed to others. When you know what triggers you, or others to rage, utter resentment, or response to antagonism, you can better control how you will react. Recognize that you have a choice between your emotional response and knee-jerk reactions. To quote the author and poet, Maya Angelou, ” I’ve learned that people will forget what you said, people will forget what you did, but people will never forget how you made them feel.” How will others feel after your assistance in this situation? Will you regret or feel embarrassed over what you did in a specific incident?
• There may come a time when a leader discovers that problems have surfaced when conducting a instructional session or meeting discussion with their employees. It may be an initial plan to tape and transcribe at least a 5- or 10-minute interactive question and answer process. Then have another leader or peer critique the session and suggest ways to improve upon the question and answer process - What are We Caught up In?
Have you ever watched people at the pharmacy or the bank spiral down into a self-absorbed world of their own creation? Recently in the grocery store, we observed a frantic woman demanding that a young stock clerk find beef broth for her. As the teen eager clerk got down on his hands and knees to begin the search in the shelves, this woman exclaimed to the whole store that her dinner that night would be ruined if he didn’t find beef broth in the next few minutes. This verbal outburst made the clerk even more anxious. Consequently, in his haste to satisfy her he mistakenly handed her cans of beef noodle soup. In reward for his efforts, she further exclaimed, “I can’t believe you would let the store run out of beef broth on a night when I really need it. Now I will have to drive in ridiculous traffic to get it at the next store. I’m never coming back here!” As the woman stormed out, the stricken clerk resumed his search. Almost immediately he found the cans of broth; but, offered up the cans to only our presence.
What really happened here? It was clear the woman was caught up in her own world of worry, urgency; and possibly, self regret at her own mismanagement of time. Unfortunately, the transfer of blame was apparent by accusing the clerk as ‘letting the store run out of broth’! Most of us know that a store manager or inventory supervisor is in charge of the re-stocking of an entire grocery location, not one individual clerk. And, what of the non-acknowledgement of the clerk for finally finding the correct cans of broth? This woman had already marched out of the store without giving the clerk a second chance. Shame. Have you caught yourself in a similar situation?
Let’s think about this behavior demonstration for a minute. Some would label this behavior as self-absorption, self-centeredness, lack of self-accountability, lack of impulse control, or an inflated self-entitlement level. The emotional ‘spin cycle’ was clearly under way in this event. This individual mixed together the possible fear of not making dinner perfect, the resulting response to this fear was anger, a lack of respect for the store clerk, a demand for obedience, a sense of authority, displayed a compulsive need to openly criticize, moved the blame to resolve the situation; and, demonstrated a general lack of social awareness. Essentially, this individual was hi-jacked by her emotions!
When can we step outside of our own story and acknowledge when someone is trying to help us and we’re not helping? When can we catch ourselves in the frenzy of task accomplishment and appreciate when other human beings are trying to help us achieve our needs?
Remember that emotion and mood are two different distinctions. Emotions are always bound to particular events; and, we can normally point to the event that generated it. Emotions are specific and reactive. Events precede them, such as, the dishwasher flooding, the dog tracking mud thru the house, or even the checkbook being out of balance. Everything was right with the world and then something occurs that challenges us. Moods are not specific. Normally we cannot relate them to particular events. They live in the background, like white noise. No matter where we are and no matter what we are doing, we human beings are always in a mood. Ordinarily we don’t choose or control our moods we just find ourselves in them.
Try practicing emotional intelligence. People who are conscious of their feelings and aware of the social signals of what others are trying to provide for them are superior directors of their lives. When challenged by social events or adversity they can enter into a state characterized by calmness, alertness, and focus. They are able to assimilate emotion-related feelings, understand the information of these emotions, and manage them for an optimal outcome. As documented in the four-branch model of emotional intelligence (Mayer & Salovey, 1997) the following capacities collectively describe the areas of emotional intelligence. This model includes these abilities to be practiced jointly in both personal & professional relationships:
accurately perceive emotions in oneself and others,
use emotions to facilitate thinking,
understand emotional meanings; and,
take charge of emotions.If you find yourself caught up in the ‘spin cycle’ of an event, ask yourself:
Continue reading →
• Are you easily irritated over customer service responses even if they are only following their company’s policies? How can you let them do their job with dignity while you achieve the outcome you want?
• When presented with adversity, can you complete your plans without unnecessary force to others? - Advising Military Veterans
Walks Beside Coaching & Consulting Advising Military Veterans
WBCC Accelerates Career & Business Development for Success
Phoenix, AZ – – – May 1, 2019 – – – Walks Beside Coaching & Consulting (WBCC), an experienced coaching company with affiliate coaches in Arizona and California, announced today that their coaching firm will be a vital part of the programs for veterans with the nonprofit organization, Stand Beside Them, Inc. Our coaches will provide business operations standards, personal coaching, and caregiving lectures with resources for respite and renewal for veterans registered with Stand Beside Them.
WBCC has designed programs for government agencies, including all our military forces, and larger corporations, where leaders knew the value that a diverse workforce would flow over into multigenerational and multicultural organizations. WBCC has helped create business cultures for organizations that developed the next leaders for the company. The results have been that these organizations were able to sustain a new positive work culture, construct a balanced strategy for each department head in pursuit of the company’s goals, maintain consistent communication between department executives and their customer base; and, realize improved employee satisfaction within their respective departments. As Stephan states, “The leadership of this century is a combination of earnest employee relationships and internal meaningful achievement.” Having been at C-level positions in several companies, WBCC brings their business experience to help organizations provide open environments for the collaboration of the multi-generational and multi-cultural workforces.
About Walks Beside Coaching & Consulting:
WBCC has an experienced team molding the resilience of business life, increasing leader self-confidence; and shaping the ‘critical thinking’ necessary for the complexities of today’s industries. A unique service of our company is ontological coaching, instead of just performance coaching. WBCC provides structured, yet personalized processes, for guidance using all the elements of language skills, leadership presence; and, the avoidance of knee jerk emotions on decision-making.
Bradley Ann Morgan and Stephan Marais are certified professional coaches through the International Coaching Federation (ICF), and members of the Educational Society for Resource Management, the US Women’s Chamber of Commerce; and, are the former editors of the Web page for “Transforming Aging, Elder Care & Security” in the state of California, founded by Senator John Vasconcellos. In 2005, Bradley and Stephan were the Networking Chairs for the annual conference of ICF in San Jose, CA.
Stand Beside Them, Inc. (SBT):Their mission is to partner with our returning veterans and their families and caregivers to help them attain the happiness and quality of life here at home that they so deserve after serving our country. Whether it is in finding employment, starting new businesses, completing their educations, improving personal relationships, assessing for new vocations, or locating health care to fully meet their needs, our Stand Beside Them (SBT) volunteer coaches are here to help veterans and their families transition to civilian life.
Press Contact:
Stephan Marais, MBA, PCC, CSM
Continue reading →
Company Name: Walks Beside Coaching & Consulting
Email: sfm@walksbesidecoaching.com
Phone: 605-799-7832 Website: www.walksbesidecoaching.com